The last 30 days treated me well. In comparison to the previous month, more moments were captured that can show you how much I am able to express my feelings or thoughts to the people who matter the most to me.
I’ll be honest, expressing some of the inner-most truths and vulnerabilities to other humans is much more difficult than I imagined. The thought of doing something is entirely simple; actually doing it takes compromise. I had to decide that the reward of opening myself up is greater than not letting anyone in at all.
I set myself back in a small way by putting this in the forefront of my thoughts. It made me hyper-aware of what it is I am actually thinking in realtime about people, places, ideas, and who I am becoming. At times, this was such an intense month because it left me with very few words to say. I put so much focus on expressing that I forgot altogether how to express on some of the most basic levels. I put this pressure on myself to be able to tell people how much they mean to me. And as a result, I’ve struggled to embrace the abruptness that the end of the semester brings with people leaving, sometimes without being able to say goodbye.
I’m hoping the pictures below can express how grateful I am for the life I’m able to live with these people in it.
And so there you have it: quite possibly one of the most beautiful months of my life summed up in pictures with a few short words. I am continually grateful for how much this life unfolds every single month, how I am able to unlearn all of my mistakes in order to become who I am becoming.
I’m grateful for the ability to be myself and to be accepted in that adventure; grateful to be able to fail and still move forward; grateful to not always have the best of days, but to know that tomorrow will be different and new and as spectacular as I’m able to make it.
I’m thankful to have the opportunity to express to others — human to human, heart to heart — how much I need them in this life. I’ve said before and I’ll say again: without them, there is no me. So thank you to each and every person that has allowed me to hitch a ride, even for a brief moment, on all of the moments of astonishment, growth, crisis, and beauty. I am changed because of you.
In May, I will let go.
There is something poetic in taking apart all of the things that we’ve built in order to get to where we need to go. It isn’t always pretty. It’s definitely not easy. But it’s in these moments that we begin to learn what we’re made of.
Isn’t that what we’re supposed to be doing anyways? Constantly finding ways to be better versions of ourselves? Trudging through all of the mud to get to a place that fosters our true identity? Searching for what it is that makes our world right again? Getting closer to ourselves than we’ve ever been and doing the things that put us in a position to be better?
That’s what I want out of this life. And I won’t stop until I get there, wherever “there” may be.
Part five of a monthly series on observing the human experience in all of us. Every month, I’ll reflect on the past, observe the present, and cast a vision for the future with a word that guides me in all that I do. Here are past months: